Laura Says.....

Friday, 12 October

2007-10-12T14:40:00.000-04:00

A man and a woman are going back and forth about something or another. They are soooo obviously a couple, have been for quite a while, but still try to maintain the illusion they aren't by coming in at different times, no PDA, etc. Anyway, someone observing this back & forth has had enough and says:

"Why don't y'all just go ahead and jump the broom?"

The woman turns to Laura with a quizzical look on her face and asks what does that mean. To which Laura explains that in the plantation days slaves weren't allowed to marry, so they came up with this ceremony to take it's place. Laura finishes up:

"So, what she was trying to tell you is that you're slaves.".

much consternation ensued.

September

2007-09-28T22:32:00.000-04:00

We've been missing our daily calls, Laura has been really busy lately. But here's a brief collection of stuff from this month.

Laura has to be at work at 6:30 every day, I don't have to be at work until 8:00 AM. I don't get up until after she leaves. The other day Laura was leaving for work and let a cat into our bedroom. I wasn't quite asleep and not quite awake. The cat gave out a loud meow, jumped up on the bed and onto me and....peed on me. I came to full consciousness immediately and pitched the cat off of me. I cleaned up myself, put the sheets into the wash and took my shower.

I emailed Laura later to thank her for letting the cat in and to tell her why. She emailed me back. Laura's email said: "I'm sorry the cat peed on you, I don't know if they make cards for that."

Laura was talking to one of her sisters the other day and was told about an incident that happened at work. A coworker told Laura's sister: "Don't give me any more work or I'll twist your tits off."

Another day Laura was working at her desk. A couple of girls were talking at another desk, one telling the other about her recent breast augmentation and what a good job they did. She then proceeded to ask the other girl if she wanted to feel.

Friday, 31 August

2007-08-31T16:59:00.000-04:00

sitting in a chinese restaurant, opening our fortune cookies.

Laura, reading her fortune: "Rely on your friends today to help make that difficult decision."

Me reading mine: "An interesting musical opportunity is in your near future." Hah! How did they know we just got an email from BMG offering us buy one get four free?

Laura: And that I'm you friend helping you make that difficult decision - which ones?

Tuesday, 29 August

2007-08-29T10:01:00.000-04:00

An email was circulating passing on the instructions of a new VP for cleaning up the ops floor to make it uncluttered and safe. Among the new edicts was that women had to leave their purses in their cars, they were not to have them on the ops floor. This in particular was causing A LOT of grief (as you can imagine) so Laura approached one of the floor supervisors with a tampon and a pad in her hand and asked him if she could keep them in his desk, as she was no longer able to bring her purse in and had no place to keep them on the ops floor. Having that deer caught in the headlights look on his face he mumbled something and walked away.

within the hour a revised edict was issued that 1 file cabinet per area was allowed where the women could put their purses.

Thursday, 23 August

2007-08-23T08:08:00.000-04:00

"These people are making my ass twitch."

Extra points if you know the origin. You know that you know, think about it.......

extra bonus for today:

email exchange between Laura and me:

From: Laura
To: Bob

(forward of intra-company email soliciting submissions for company newsletter)

Tell us about your pets in the next ITALK section of Focus Time.

Poem, Picture, Song, or Story

Inquiring Minds want to know…..

To submit an item please send an email to the HerCompany Newsletter Committee, see a committee member, or see your supervisor.

Laura's comment: what can I say?

From: Bob
To: Laura

gawd. the less the better.

From: Laura
To: Bob

Fascist Ferrets and Lying Lizards!

From: Bob
To: Laura

I'd like to see the submission about dem dere ferrets & lizards.

From: Laura
To: Bob

I trained my squirrel to use the toilet. He uses too much paper!

From: Bob
To: Laura

did you train him to use a plunger too?

From: Laura
To: Bob

Only when he drops his nuts.

Wednesday, 22 August

2007-08-22T22:10:00.000-04:00

In a memo written by a supervisor, listing various behaviour corrective actions:

"....do not slouch in your chair, wear your coat correctly,......."

no one knew there was an epidemic of incorrectly worn coats.

Tuesday, 21 August

2007-08-21T10:14:00.000-04:00

"un garçon est sous une table"

Laura is preparing for a return trip to Paris.

Monday, 20 August

2007-08-20T14:06:00.000-04:00

Laura came back to her desk this morning to find that her PC screen displayed nothing but a blinking cursor. She tried turning the monitor off and on (no help) and rebooting the PC (no help). She turned to a colleague and asked her to enter an info ticket to inform tech support of her problem. Her colleague submitted the following: "Laura Lastname can't use her computer".

I guess training begins tomorrow.

Friday, 17 August

2007-08-17T18:20:00.000-04:00

Laura was trying to tell a young man how to run a call and he kept interrupting. Fed up, she finally told him: "I forbid you from saying anything else."

stunned, he remained silent and Laura got to finish her instructions.

Thursday, 16 August

2007-08-16T22:56:00.000-04:00

wally-world has wife-beaters on sale for $2.00